I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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