it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
Your dad touched me again.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
