Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
