the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
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