Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
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