Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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