Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Randomize
