it's too hot outside to masturbate.
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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