I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Randomize
