Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
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