You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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