so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
can u get pink eye on your cock?
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
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