You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Randomize
