Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
