I never want to see another naked old woman again.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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