Small penises have feelings too.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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