Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
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All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
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We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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