I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
