Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
