i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
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