The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
