just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
