I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize
