Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
