i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
As shirtless as possible
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
His nipple licking is glorious
Randomize
