bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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