My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize