I think I died a long time ago.
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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