i don't like sucking hair
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
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