Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Randomize
