in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
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