walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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