I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.