I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
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I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
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There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.