it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
Dating After Heartbreak
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
These Images Prove Chrissy Teigen is the Funniest Model Alive
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."