i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Randomize
