she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
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