Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
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