i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
