you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
This is classic penis vs brain.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Randomize
