I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
Let's paint friendship bongs
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Randomize
