Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
i just google imaged poop.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
