in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
I need help removing her.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
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