it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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