Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
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