nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
And the cops told us we were all naked.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
So squirting runs in the family.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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