I CAN MOONWALK!
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
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