Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Randomize
