So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
