It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Randomize
