You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
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