If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
operation have a gay friend backfired
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
Randomize
