Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Randomize
