Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Randomize
