I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
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