My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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