great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
