just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
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