i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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