Only a mothe r could love this liver
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Randomize
