so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
