Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
