Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
