Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
My vagina is officially offended.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
