he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
