Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
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