Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
