There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
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