i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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