You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
