Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
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