You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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